Surviving sexual assault in the church

 

There is so much is wrong with that title 

Sexual and assault should not go together, 

especially within the church 

I don’t see myself as a survivor. 

I don’t want to be a survivor 

And I’m not sure I did survive. 

 

What does it mean to survive a sexual assault? 

If you survive an attempted murder, you are still alive, 

You may well be injured, 

But by definition you are still alive. 

How does that work with attempted rape and sexual assault? 

We are all dead in Christ before we receive the new life he gives, 

So I prefer the term ‘redeemed’. 

No Excuses

 

Why did he behave like that to me?

What did I do to provoke him?

Serves me right

I should have known better.

 

I knew he was abused in the past

He told me about that

Made sure I knew,

I think that's what they now call 'grooming.

 

I met him through church,

His past criminal convictions worn like a badge of honour

A success story for the church,

But that's not how it turned out.

 

I hear he's abused others, I'm furious

The excuses I used to defend and explain his actions towards me

Do not defend or explain his actions towards them

They no longer stand, there is no excuse for that

 

So why did I make excuses for his behaviour towards me?

What I have learnt about trauma

 

It’s in that moment of recognition

This is bad, and it shouldn’t be happening

I don’t want this to be happening

There’s nothing I can do to stop this

 

It’s in that moment we are overwhelmed by a violent force

That moment becomes etched in our minds

Not filed away like the rest of our memories

Making it impossible to forget

 

Matthew 19: 26 Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything it possible